Today after almost turning myself into a giant butterfinger-martini from eating way too many mini butterfingers and drinking chocolatini's. I had a post Halloween brunch with my peeps, catching them up on this past week of running into 2 Ex's. Really since June I've been running into Ex-BF's going as far back as high school. In seeing I have had these detached feelings. I was wondering why the detachment. If I felt indifferent about the situations that surrounded the relationship I had with them or the choice I made to just disengage from the entire relationship and my surroundings altogether.
This feeling of detachment is it healthy? Do I bury another bone just so I don't have to feel? Maybe running into them I'm not suppose to be reminded of the pain they have caused me but to see what part did I actually play in the relationship that was unhealthy. Can I admit to myself the truth of who I was then?
I would like to accept this detachment as a gift, as an opportunity to move forward and see what life might bring. But just now I realized first I have to FORGIVE MYSELF.
Today Bestey J. (my shoes) & I strolled around the city getting myself together for my future. Oh 'n' p.s. picked up a cute leaopard riding hat along the way (quick view).
I think my shoes have given me cougar fever lol. Minding my own business tending to what I have to do the next 2 months it first started on the bus I was in the middle of my usual back & forth texting with my favorite family member (Angel) catching up with each other. Out of the blue a this guy compliments my smile so of course I smiled more and said thank you. He offered to take me to lunch I said I had to be some where and I'm running late but thank you again its very sweet of you to ask. Then he continued to let me know that his class ends around 2:30'ish how about then. He's a freshman in college? I had to ask... he's 20... LMBO
Received another compliement on the train for my shoes from another guy. He ask if he can walk with me to get to know me better dude I see your wedding ring so yeah thanks pal & keep it movin. He wasn't offended but said keep showing off that smile I have a nice smile. Oh and I could tell he was younger than me too probably mid-upper 20s.
I get to my destination noticing a very attracting man so was everyone woman in the office noticing him as well. So what do I do? sit right next to him and pretend I don't have a pen. *rolling eyes* I know... LAMEO! ... what he was very attractive lol. Then I pretend to forget the date, LoL. Yes I am holding my head in shame but I don't know what got over me, lol. Another woman came over asked to borrow his pen too *pfft* copy cat. I struck up a short convo about this title I read off this men's health magazine he was reading. Had no clue what I was saying but he was polite. After waiting for a long time we both got taken care of right away. He left first, I had an appetite so I went around the corner to grab a sandwhich which was delish ceasar salad whole wheat wrap, yum!
Guess who walks in "men's health mag" guy I guess he was hungry too... yaay me! He sat 1 table over from mine smiled at me probably thinking "oh its that chic with the dumb convo about my magazine" LOL but there was another short conversation about my choice for lunch. Before I left I figured out how old he was after he mentioned he worked at Crunch since 2006 2 years right after he graduated from high school .
Yep 24, damn.
I am already opening myself up to dating outside of my race and dating a man with children. I already went down that road of a younger guy a few years back not a story to tell. The question I'm asking myself today is should dating someone younger than me be another possibility??
I went to check emails and got more responses from this particular dating site. I was thinking about my profile page and I think I want to change what I wrote. I don't want to come off desperate & prove too much to a stranger that I'm a great woman especially to be a future wife & mother, picky & judgmental or when someone reads it he's thinking yeah yeah yeah who are you fooling if you typed that you're not a particular way then you most definitely are or if you claim to be a certain type of person you most definitely are NOT. I want to keep as true to myself limiting all the fluff and a taste of my natural personality. So not to come off way too picky just a little picky I think the editing is needed.
Ok so you know how these online dating sites profile you have to come up with a headline that will attract the members to your profile? I'm scrolling through these profiles the headlines go from skeevatz to red flag online perv/psycho to yep a computer love virgin to um okaaay angry dude guess you're backed up & frustrated to really is that the best you can do... really?? to cute/simple & to the point
here's a few:
- once you go rican you will stop seeking
- Hola! I'm only joking I don't speak spanish - LOL
- Women: Meet your dream guy in 30 days or less!
- HEY BOO
- YO YO What's up!
- Normal Guy looking for a Beautiful african-american woman to spice up my life
- coloring outside the lines
- looking for a hershey's kiss
- please no ugly or large women not into them (some nerve yep he IS fugly)
- lady master 69 (I think he posted his prison mug shot as a profile pic)
- "Monotmagous (me too... did he mean monogamous?)
- cause + effect = action
- I'M NOT RENEWING! (mind you he looks psycho and extremely angry)
- like 2 ships passing in the night
- Honest guy looking for Gina Carano or Jessica Biel
- just here 4 s@#s & giggles!
- if it's not broke b@#*hs then don't try to fix a mutha!
- exotic treat
- my life is keepin'em wet (what the hell?!)
I'm in early for the night. Today was a peaceful day for me maybe it had to do with the choice of shoe I decided to wear today who knows.
I spent a fun day catching up with friends at brunch listening to their temptations in why one should miss living in NY especially missing BK. After brunch I wanted all of us to check out the independent film "LENNONYC" in honor of John Lennon's 70th birthday today.
So of course the goofballs didn't want to come with me calling me the "flower child in the city". I went alone once again. I walk through Central Pk. head over to Summer Stage to get there early enough before the line gets longer and a crowd builds up. Looks like 200-300 other people had the same idea. As usual I manage to walk towards the line with some new folks one from the UK and the other from Costa Rica. It was a pleasure to stand online talking about travelling, the events in NY, where we're from made the wait bearable. Made it into see the film we all sat together, I shared my blue corn tortilla chips & seasoned hummus with them while we chatted more. As the night came upon us it was getting chilly and neither of us was properly dressed so we stepped out a bit early before the film ended.
Walking through Strawberry Fields felt like a hippie throwback and that bohemian part of me fit right in. I got a chance to get a blurred picture of Sean Lennon who was out celebrating his birthday too (not realizing when I got bumped it blurred a little).
Then we continued on our way I walk with them to the Hostel off of Central Pk. West it cool & artistic reminded be of Sputnik. As always I love going out meeting people who are open to speaking to strangers from cultures outside of their own. That's what its all about no barriers.
(short clip of Beautiful Boy by John Lennon -- Happy Birthday to both John and son Sean Lennon)
(Soulmates by Natasha Beddingfield -- click below to listen while you read)
Today I woke up from another dream (I get those often from time to time) in waking up I couldn't fall back asleep. I look out the window see the dark sky drifting off watching the cars drive by on the highway. I remembered that today is my childhood best friend's birthday. Our families were the first to move into a newly developed middle class neighborhood. Gigs was my first friend in the neighborhood. He gave me my first kiss on the cheek at the age of 2 and I gave him his first whack with my sippy cup. He was also my first puppy love / crush. The cool breath of the earth , the blue-orange haze coming through my window and warm memoires of a dearly missed childhood love has me unable to go back to drift into my dreams. I guess now is a good time to write something new for my 1st post.
Welcome to the new name "SOLEmates & The City, Memoirs of a HoneyB", revamped version of my blog when I first began. At first the direction of this blog was going to be like a news report "The HoneyB Buzz Chronicles" of being single AGAIN & starting the whole dating thing AGAIN -- eh, that would be too time consuming and a headache. Then I thought well this blog can be in way a love letter format but I thought after awhile what if it gets tiresome, played out, confusing or come off real cornballish to the readers. In no way do I "officially" classify myself as a journalist or professional blog writer... yet *chuckles* at least not for now *wink*.
Blessed enough to inherit the best part of my family's DNA allows me the freedom to further develop & expand in all areas of my life. I do have other creative talents which may or may not be mentioned in later posts. The key thing to restarting my blog is to write about what I know, how I am feeling at that particular moment, and the things I appreciate most. Just a natural expression of myself and real experiences be it personal or by association.
What I know:
I am a "Sex & the City" combined "Bohemian & the Islands" type of woman with an eclectic taste for life. I am soft & pink & yes a bit feisty with dominate tendencies which may come off brutal some times. Being single can be liberating, means a clean slate, a time to self reflect, a better chance to get to know yourself, re-focus on your direction with your career and make more of your own money to secure your future. Now here's the thing, all that is great believe me it really is. I need to admit & be allowed to say to you that being single does get lonely.
How I am feeling:
Well put it this way why can't I have it all? a woman who is independent, a woman knows exacting what I want in this life, a woman who knows exactly who I am meant to be in this life, a woman who knows exactly what I want to do for a living & succeed at it and a woman with the right to be careful about the type of man I want to settle down, have children & spend my life with. I get annoyed when people tell me "oh you're too picky that's why things never work out for you. Its not like you're getting any younger" . Ugh,!!!! *straight up middle finger* so OK the solution is to what... settle with someone in hopes of what...
* that one day I will be in love with him
* that one day in our relationship I hope to see myself falling in love with him
* be in a relationship out of obligation or wanting a child before its too late
* even with the stigmata of regrets I'm in this relationship so I'll just stick it out
... uh yeah... don't think so. I call that desperate love or convenience not real love.
Things I love:
Love being a woman its a beautiful thing and not afraid to show it. Love that I grew up in the barrios of NYC. Love that I AM struggling and STILL remain positive & optimistic about my life. Love the wide range of arts, vibrant cultures & lifestyles that exists through out the city. Love the fact that I can go further with honey than with vinegar in any situation. Love men who are not afraid to grow & build with a independent, confident, goal-oriented, sensual woman. Love a great pair of shoes -- there are a variety of styles, shapes, sizes, colors, $$$ -- like men, they both should have style, quality, make you feel comfortable, the right fit, and compliments your personality.
If you happened to accidentally come across this blog, been referred, or follow me on twitter or facebook. I really appreciate you for taking the time to read this and look forwarding to having you stop by next time.
(Happy Birthday "Gigs" memories of our paths crossing in this life will always be in my heart. R.I.P.)
